“I have berated myself for being a wimpy mom, the parent who cannot walk away without tears, the mother who misses her kids every day. I have given myself the stern talk about being overly attached to my sons and told myself a hundred times that it is not about me but about them. I decided that there must be something wrong with/missing from me or my life if saying good-bye was this hard. I have wondered, endlessly, why it hurts so much when they go.”
-Knowing My Sons a Little Less by Grown and Flown


I consistently struggle to manage the feeling of being grateful that I have raised independent young men who are ready to go away and confident to start the next chapter of their lives with the guilt of wanting them to stay with me forever. Do all moms cry the second they think of how quickly time has flown by? Do all moms feel a pit at the bottom of their stomachs when they look at baby pictures of their grown children? Or does this just make me a wimpy mom?

While it is an inevitable part of the parenting experience, my children leaving and me, trying to let them go had to be the most challenging part of parenting. While I did have plenty of time to prepare, and I have let go before: kindergarten, sleepovers, and sleep-away camps, it is impossible to prepare for the mother lode of all exits, their departure for college. The time when our home becomes a place they visit, not where they live.

My boys are doing great on their own. I know that should make me happy, it makes me proud, but proud and happy are not the same. I am indeed a wimpy, overly attached mom. However, I am also a mom who knows this is how life goes, and I will continue to be proud as I watch my children continue to grow. I am blessed to have had my time and will share their happiness as they create their own beautiful worlds.

In a time like we have never experienced, we need substitute teachers like never before. Many school districts in Florida already suffered a big teacher shortage, now with the pandemic the shortage is growing. No one could have predicted the very time that we are in now that will one day be a big part of history. Tenure teachers and teachers that are high risk or take care of someone who is high risk have taken leaves from their jobs in order to protect themselves and their families. With a teacher shortage like never before substitute teachers can definitely fill in the gap and assist students with learning that will benefit them. It is important that students do not miss any learning especially with the amount of time that most of them have already spent out of school. I mean there are some students who have not been in school since March of 2020. Some of those students were already not proficient and the learning gap for them just continues to grow bigger and bigger. Having a well trained substitute teacher is how students can continue to learn although most teachers are on a leave or unable to teach. 

This is why I am so passionate about ensuring that substitute teachers are truly trained to be as effective as a classroom teacher. The simple training the school district provides is good enough only for those substitute teachers who need a paycheck or those that are willing to babysit a class. But substitute teachers are more than that, but they are not treated as such. Investing the time and money into substitute teachers would be very beneficial for a time like this where schools need teachers like never before and students need learning like never before as well. But throwing  substitute teachers in a classroom now is not enough. They need to be well trained and well equipped in order to truly take the position of a classroom teacher. Reason being, substitute teachers nowadays are not just picking up shifts here and there. They are now in front of students on a day to day basis. To avoid students teaching themselves, we need substitute teachers that know what they are doing so that students do not need to miss a single beat. It is the only way to truly make sure that our students do not continue to miss important lessons which will create a foundation for their future. 

The above poem was given to me while I was teaching at a rural junior and senior high school in Illinois. As teachers, it takes you back to thinking about school and how the teachers that influenced you to go into the profession. I remember the teachers that were kind and generous and willing to give the shirts off their backs. I also remember those teachers that did not understand and would not listen to my mom not being home and working. This poem was thought to have been written by a student in Baltimore City Public Schools, that is not the case. 

Cause I ain’t got a pencil was written by Joshua T. Dickerson who is actually from Atlanta Georgia and 41 years old. As you research this poem and Joshua Dickerson his motive for writing it was not one of his own experiences but one of something he saw and reflected on. He tells a story of watching a student ask for a pencil from his teacher and they only agreed if the student traded it for his shoe. The student was then made fun of by his classmates as he had dirty socks on. Dickerson writes this poem based on what he thought happened prior to this moment. 

When I read it reminds me of how we can get caught up in the little things in education. We want our students to learn and how can we do that when we aren’t letting them have the things they need to learn. As a special education teacher, I have found that working with a variety of students and teachers day in and day out I am constantly fighting for the rights of my students to have a level playing field. Then I read this poem and think of all the students that have bigger fish to fry than remembering their pencil. Reflecting and realizing that the one thing on these children’s minds is not your class only. They are dealing with everything they possibly can. 

Being fortunate enough I know how annoying it can be to see a student take your pencil and break it right in front of you out of spite. However, we have to teach and show respect, compassion and build relationships so they understand their actions. Not only is it important to understand the child’s perspective but think about how many times the student this poem is base on had to fight for their education. It would have been easy for the child to just not show up. Be grateful they are at school day in and day out. Not every student is going to be perfect and as a special education teacher of behavior students, the students that aren’t perfect and fit the mold of school are the ones that need us the most. Show them you care and as a team, in their corner, we can get them to realize that there was someone out there willing to give them a pencil.